We walk into a bar with a squirrel

The Majestic Bar, Yosemite National Park, California
He kept trying to sneak into the bar, and not once did the bar staff ask for his I.D. I expect they didn’t ask because this was not a human trying to sneak a drink. It was a squirrel. The door to the patio was propped open so the wait staff could easily take food and drinks to the patio tables. I guess wildlife visits are among the many perks of barlife at The Majestic Bar in Yosemite National Park.

For those keeping track, this is our second hotel bar in a row, and as we mentioned last week, hotel bars are a little different than most bars -- especially neighborhood bars. Hotel bars don’t tend to have regulars, but they do tend to have a variety of patrons coming in and out.

Kyle the bartender told us that The Majestic does have regulars, but they visit the bar annually, not weekly (until a few years ago, those regulars went to the Ahwahnee Hotel Bar, but the hotel’s name changed when the concession management changed. The old concessionaire took the storied name with them when they left). But Kyle only knows this from stories he’s heard. He’s only been bartending at the Majestic Bar since January of this year. In fact, he’s only been bartending at all since January (though we’d never have guessed it. He was impressive). Kyle has worked other jobs in the park, at the hotel front desk, as a restaurant host, selling tickets… but now he’s at the bar.

We’ve been living in Fresno, but we’ll be moving to the Seattle area in a few weeks, so we wanted to make one last visit to the national park before we leave. In order to beat the traffic and to get to a couple of worship services in the park (Protestant at Yosemite Valley Chapel and Catholic in the Visitor Center Theater), we left home early. After finding a surprisingly central parking spot (a treasure on a busy summer day), we decided to walk to The Majestic Yosemite Hotel for our picnic lunch.

After eating at a bench over a creek, we went into the hotel and took seats at the bar. There were plenty of seats at the bar, and we heard staff remarking that it was a rather slow day, surprising for a weekend afternoon. There was theorizing about whether it was because it was a Sunday afternoon and people left the park early to get home, or whether people weren’t coming because it was because it was Father’s Day. To our eyes, there were still lots of people in the Valley.

We looked over our menus, which had its share of Yosemite themed cocktails (such as the El Capitini, which we heard described as the “Jolly Rancher of cocktails” because of its sweetness). I went with the Bourbon Baked Apple and Mindy got all fancy with a variation on the Keoki coffee. As a treat for me (Father’s Day has its privileges), I ordered a chocolate chip cookie from the dessert menu.

We once asked an accountant who worked for a bar what features can make a bar more profitable, and he said it always helps to have an inviting patio area. It is hard to imagine a more inviting patio area than one that looks out on the trees and mountains and grandeur of Yosemite National Park. Many people were outside at the tables on the patio enjoying a pleasantly warm day.

A woman who came to the bar to get her drink asked Kyle, “Can I take my drink outside?”

He told her, “You can take it anywhere, even outside. Just don’t leave your glass outside.”

We heard Kyle ask for eggs from the kitchen when he had an order for a couple of Ramos Fizzes. After he’d made up the very pretty drinks, he sent them out, and the waitress came back right away with an order for more. “I made that drink too good! Other people are ordering it,” he said. He let us try a sample, and it was delicious.

Many people ordered drinks at the bar, but they didn’t stay there to enjoy them, so we knew if we were going to ask our standard bar questions, we’d have to ask the staff. So we asked Kyle, “What makes for a good bar?” and for the first time in a long time, we got a completely new answer: “Not having a slope at the edge of the bar.”

The wooden bar at the Majestic is elegant, but the stylish slant on the customer’s side is somewhat hazardous to beverages. The staff warns everyone, but a drink goes down at least once a week.

We can certainly endorse the rest of Kyle’s answer, which we’ve heard more often. “Good people, good workers, makes the day go by.” Kyle was busy doing his job for a while before he could tell us what he thought made a good church. He answered, “Same thing, the people.”

We also asked Rachelle, one of the servers, our questions. She said she likes a divey bar, so atmosphere matters. “The locals make for a good bar. They’re chatty, you find out everything that’s going on.” Her father goes to a bar in Wallace, Idaho, a mining town. Everyone gets a free drink after a shift. Some stop at one drink, but enough go on to make the free drink worthwhile for the bar’s bottom line. It’s one of her favorite bars in the world.

As for what makes for a good church, Rachelle said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve gone,” but after some thought she added, “A place that’s accepting and loving and gives back to the community.” She said, “But that’s hard to find.” And Kyle agreed.

Of course, we’ve found churches like that. As we’ve found bars like that. We have a little more church and bar experience than most people, and we wrote a book about it. But if you should have to choose between buying our book and going to Yosemite National Park, I’d recommend Yosemite.